Although he was commissioned by The New York Observer to write a review of The Identity Thief, the new comedy starring Jason Bateman and Melissa McCarthy, Rex Reed ended up writing a review of something slightly different: Melissa McCarthy’s weight. According to Reed, McCarthy is “cacophonous”, “tractor-sized”, a “female hippo”, and a “gimmick comedian who has devoted her short career to being obese and obnoxious with equal success.”

Reed, who is perhaps most famous for providing a plot synopsis of Cabin in the Woods that was wildly different from the actual plot of Cabin in the Woods, also doesn’t seem to have liked the film itself, which he calls “a chunk of junk.” (It should be noted that Reed also hated Memento, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, and the South Korean classic Oldboy. Of the latter, Reed asked, “What else can you expect from a nation weaned on kimchi, a mixture of raw garlic and cabbage buried underground until it rots, dug up from the grave and then served in earthenware pots sold at the Seoul airport as souvenirs?”).

At the end of his review, Reed writes, “It’s a deserving subject that should be explored in a more viable film, but Identity Thief is so bad it’s hard to believe it wasn’t directed by Judd Apatow or the Farrelly Brothers,” presumably under the impression that Judd Apatow is a bad filmmaker who belongs in the same company as the producers of Movie 43.